Fictitious Endeavours

Title:Five Ways the Doctor May Have Ended Up Naked (But Refuses to Confirm nor Deny) and One Way He Definitely Did. 3/6
Rating: Teen
Characters/Paring: Ten/Rose, Jack, OC
Prompt: never_ever_will prompt 18, each prompt as noted at the end of each section.
Beta: achuislemochroi, milieva, & develish1
Summary: The title pretty much says it all.
Disclaimer: Based on characters owned and created by BBC. No infringement intended.
Notes: Baby!fic: five parts crack, one part fluff, and a pinch of angst. This is what happens when you get greedy and need to use seven prompts in one fic. In this part thanks to: milieva develish1 ladymalchav emraldeyedauter bratflorida for helping with writer's block.




Previous Parts

I. Fibrous Dermatitis
II. Through the Cold and Dark
III. Inflammatory
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IV Defrabricated



As far as cells went, this one was pretty posh. It looked like a nice hotel room with printed wallpaper and carpeted floors and an adjoining bathroom. Of course, there were no curtains or furniture, the windows had bars on them, and a large mat with a duvet served for a bed.

"Why is it,” the Doctor asked Jack waspishly, “the instant you bounce back into our lives, nudity ensues?"

"What can I say? It's a special gift of mine. "

The Doctor rolled his eyes, which felt strange. This body wasn't as much of an eye roller as his last. Not that he was currently occupying his body. That was currently being paraded around by a certain smug ex-time agent. The man in question caught his reflection in the darkened window and stopped to admire himself.

"Gotta say, once again, I like the new model. Not bad, Doctor."

"Jack," the Doctor warned, and it sounded weird saying it in Jack's voice, "there's a time and a place."

"Yeah,” Rose groused. “And I could do without this place, thank you very much."

Jack threw her a cheeky grin.

"Look at the bright side, Rosie. This way you can hug me right now and he can't complain because it's his body."

Rose snorted into the duvet she was wrapped in.

"And not a word from you, Missy. Why I let you have the only covering available in the room..."

Rose batted her eyes at him.

"It's because I'm the girl and you lot are sooo chivalrous. And it's bloody freezing in here."

Jack chortled in his very Jack-like way, which sounded odd coming from the Doctor's mouth.

"What are the odds, do you suppose,” Rose wondered aloud, “of us running into both a defrabricator and a psychograft on the same afternoon?"

"Well, considering it's us..." the Doctor muttered.

Rose and Jack found themselves nodding in agreement.

"Still, don't understand why the two of you swapped bodies. When it was me...." Rose trailed off thoughtfully.

"Welll," the Doctor said cagily. "This is more along the lines of how they were originally designed to work. It was all the illegal modifications that ended with them being banned outright. Though that hasn't happened yet."

Rose frowned. "Really? Why would you want to —"

"Welll," the Doctor hedged again. "They had all sorts of.... Well, recreational uses."

Jack sniggered loudly and Rose thought she knew what the Doctor wasn't saying.

She looked at Jack, wide-eyed, and he winked. "Ever wanted to see how the other half lives?"

***

Well, Rose thought, it was good thing the Doctor was as socially inept as he was. Having watched Jack flirt with the guard until he was able to disarm him and get the cell opened - with the Doctor's face - Rose realized what a deadly combo a Doctor with Oncoming Storm plus Oncoming Flirt powers could be.

Of course Jack could have done with not celebrating with a high five to Rose and an "and that's how this body should be used!"

Like someone else they had once met, the Doctor was not amused.

***

They ran down the next hall and came to a T intersection.

"This way!" the Doctor pointed left.

"No, I'm sure it's this way," Jack insisted, looking right.

"Oh? Just like you were sure that those controls were for the psychograph?"

Jack choked, somewhere between amusement and embarrassment. "Well, I didn't see you arguing."

"Well, didn't give me a chance, did you?" He shook his head in exasperation muttering, "Humans, always going around pushing buttons."

"Oh, really? Mr. Big Red Button?"

The Doctor's eyes widened as he cast Rose a look of betrayal.

"Oh yes, I've heard all about that."

Rose frowned as they carried on like that a bit more. Talk about "a time and a place." Still, something about this area was familiar... She walked to a door directly in front of them, tucked into a little alcove. Cautiously, she opened the door a crack and peered inside. With a smirk, Rose turned back to them.

"Um, boys," she sing-songed.

They froze and looked at her and she indicated the room with a tilt of her head.

"Oh."

"Well, I knew it was close," Jack commented.

The Doctor gave Jack a contemptuous grimace that a regeneration ago would have been a full-blown, no-holds-barred eyeroll with arm fold.

***

The Doctor buzzed his sonic over the psycho-graft once more and grabbed at his hair in frustration. Whichever sadist had sabotaged these controls had done a bang up job of it.

"Come on!" he growled and smacked a hand on the machine, wishing vaguely for a mallet.

"Let me try, now?" Jack groused, still annoyed at the Doctor's earlier rebuffs to his offer of help.

Rose sighed and perched on a stool, wrapping the blanket tighter around herself as she watched them work. She squirmed on the stool, trying to find a position that didn't put pressure on her rounded belly. Suddenly, she felt a strange fluttering in her belly. She frowned and put her hand over it. It came again. Like a gentle movement of butterfly wings brushing her from the inside. Realization come over her and without thinking she exclaimed joyfully,

"Doctor!"

Unfortunately at that moment, the Doctor was half buried inside a control panel, a set of wires in his mouth, a matching set in one hand and the other hand aiming the sonic screwdriver at a circuit board. At Rose's cry, he jerked and a connection was abruptly made.

Suddenly, a bright light filled the room and Rose felt a sickeningly familiar sensation. When she opened her eyes, she realized she was no longer sitting on the stool. The ground had never been so far away. And she had never been quite so.... um, hairy.

"D-Doctor?" she stammered and turned to see her own horrified face in front of her.

"Rose?" Jack gasped.

"Jack?" she asked as she nodded in response.

Then Jack leapt from the stool in shock and stared down at his, or rather Rose's belly, with a look of betrayal.

"Oh, no! Junior?" he yelped.

Rose shrugged helplessly.

"I'm pregnant?!" Jack bellowed. "This is what I get for saying 'never again’."


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Prompt: apurplepatch 1)Run in to a defabricator ray. 2) Wakes up to find he's swapped places with Jack. And achuislemochroi for additional plot-bunnying (namely the last line of this fic which sent the story spiralling off in another direction entirely).


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